No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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