the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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