Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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