i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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