i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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