There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
