You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
