I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
