Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
