um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
