My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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