I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize