saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
