I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
