Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
