just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize