wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
