can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
