is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize