Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
