youre lurking in front of me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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