the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
