Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
