goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
