sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
