totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
