FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
