now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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