I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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