dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
