there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
