Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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