whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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