I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
