wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
