She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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