just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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