you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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