ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
