Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
