Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
