I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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