as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
