Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
