You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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