i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
