If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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