I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
