My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
