And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
