I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Betty ford says i'm here all night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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