it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
