R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
