i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
