marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
