if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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