I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
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i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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