4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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