Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
