my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
