The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A+ Viking dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
