I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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