normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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