pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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