Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
pray to the hookup gods
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
